Men shouldn't watch of other women, what they don't allow their wives. Agree or disagree?
Example: He doesn't allow his wife to show her arms, tight clothes (or let's say hijab) etc. in public or to any other man. But then sits at home watching slutty hiphop music videos and trashy american movies of women flashing their breasts and wearing bikinis etc.
What do you think? Is it unreasonable to say that he shouldn't watch other women in clothes less than what he forces his wife to wear?
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18 comments:
I throw a fit every time Hubby does it. After realizing that behavior=cranky wife, he stopped, alhamdulillah.
That is unfair, because it makes his wife feel lesser. Its like he's looking for something he can't get from his wife. I know I'd be pissed if the future hubster ever did something like that!
yeah I agree with you. Although my husband really doesn't get involved in what I wear or don't wear. Maybe its because I am a niqabi? We also don't have a tv but whenever we did watch tv he would look away if there were any makeout scenes or slutty women. It got so frustrating for him he gave it up and just watched Jon stewart and stephen colbert.
Good question my dear ! But not all man i guess "force" his wife to be modest..
The answer it;s they r more WEAK than a woman and their senses tend to be more animalic .. ex ( they watch over a naked woman or a less dress woman , but they tend to have unrealistic perverse imagination )
Also our Hijab was prescribed to us women becoz of them, bcoz of the weakness of the man ;)
They think what they own must be away of any strange eye...and that's quite right !
I agree, but there are certain times where it is somewhat unavoidable. Tv and magazines can be avoided, but sometimes we have to deal with scantily dressed women outside. He just needs to make an obvious effort to lower his gaze.
My hubby would never look at porn, but if I caught my hubby doing so I would leave for a week just to prove a point.
Firstly, thanks for stopping by on my blog :) Glad you're enjoying 'Desperate in Dubai' so much :)
I have to say I don't agree... Naked women are absolutely EVERYWHERE, and it's pretty hard to avoid them. I love watching hip hop videos and American movies myself... To demand my husband not to watch them because of my own lack of self-esteem will only reduce my own freedom to do so.... And I don't really wanna do that and I like to think I'm hot enough that he won't look at them with lustfulness!
I think there has to be a degree of trust in every relationship... Forcing each other to wear certain things, not watch certain things, only makes a relationship bitter. Rather, if we cover/not watch trash, because of fear of/love for God, then it makes more sense.
straight up...if a husband looks at other woman...with that look (in front of thier wife) tottaly dissrespectful!
of course when they are alone, they look. its natural. i always check out handsome guys...just not around my husband :)
I friggin agree! having issues with this at the moment, even though the husband doesn't realize what he's even doing!
(but he has stopped lately hmmm)
It's not unreasonable at all. If he demands a certain standard from you, you have every right to ask the same of him! I agree with Stacy, I would probably leave for a bit if I found hub looking at porn.
I also think that it's not okay just because naked women are everywhere - that is an excuse if you are not forcing modest dress on someone else, yes. But if you are asking your wife to dress a certain way and then seeking those images out yourself then it's not okay.
If I am making an effort to dress modestly and lower my gaze, then a man can do it too.
I can't complain about hubby on this one (to a degree), and what I wear is my perogative...I'm a Muslim, my desire is to please Allah first.
BUT, it is not unavoidable unless it is right in your face. Turn off the t.v, change the channel, don't stare at the woman with her breasts hanging out (YOU'VE SEEN IT A MILLION TIMES). Sorry, but it's a big excuse, we are Muslims.
I am so sick of men not lowering their gaze, and yes, t.v/movies should be the same. It's not appropriate at all. NOT ISLAM at all, it's hypocrisy.
And also, it has nothing to do with a woman's self-esteem. There are men who would kill their sisters or wives for doing less. No way....totally uncool.
I do tend to agree on a personal level, I mean, even I stopped watching those shows years ago. I realised it could have a bad effect on my children, let alone me.
But I guess it depends on each couple...like Ghostwriter said, she wants to be able to watch them too! So for them it would be different.
I do feel concerned if you feel forced into wearing correct hijab since we know that there should be no compulsion...a little encouragement perhaps ;) But, maybe you didn't really mean it that way.
Hm..I still disagree. If a husband is forcing his wife to dress modestly, then the wife can also force HIM to dress modestly. When we're talking about scantily clad women, I'm assuming we're not talking porn...We're talking the usual way many non-Muslim women dress. So if we force our husbands not to watch TV that consists of pretty regular clothes for non-Muslims...then he too can force you in return not to watch anything that involves a a man showing anything that goes against Islamic teachings - with is anything between navel to knees and would include sports like soccer.
There's also a difference between watching movies that contain half naked women and perving on them.
True, Islamically, it's all wrong. So then ban TV/media from your home altogether. You can't just ban scantily clad women... if you're watching TV, it really is unavoidable.
Shouldn't you have a little faith in your husband? If you are married to someone who forces you to cover and then PERVS on half-dressed women (which is different from watching them because they happen to be in that show you like), you clearly married the wrong person.
Sorry but I have seen the hip hop videos girls are not dressed like most non-Muslim people (no way).
And I have made it very clear to my husband that with 2 girls (daughters) in the house be very careful of what we put in their minds.
For example, My husband loves Elissa the Lebanese singer, and my oldest daughter does as well. My youngest daughter didn't understand why he could accept to listen to music and watch videos since he told her that this is not the path he wants her to take.
Mind you we Muslims are never allowed to disbelieve people, so that's not the issue, BUT we have to have consistency or it causes problems.
Elissa to me is not trashy, she is beautiful and definetly not a hip hop girl dancer/singer, BUT, how do you tell your kids or wife one thing and then oggle or even participate in this type of behaviour (rhetorical question)....wouldn't be consistent would it?
Jaz never said "he watches t.v.", she said he watches "slutty hip hop videos and trashy American movies..." That's what we are answering to.
I understand what you're saying, and I realise that it is contradictory to an extent... But I really don't believe that just because you don't want your wife/daughter/husband or child to do something, doesn't mean you can't partake in watching that thing.
I wouldn't want my daughter to be a news anchor on TV and have millions seeing her face daily. I'm not going to stop watching the news.
I don't want my daughter playing Tennis as a living in tiny skirts, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop watching Wimbledon.
I don't agree with murder. I enjoy a good horror movie.
You can't say that watching something for entertainment means you condone that act in your own life and your children's lives. I understand that kids are easily influenced - but we're not talking about kids here. We're talking about adults. Because we have certain Islamic expectations of our spouses doesn't, IMHO, mean that we can't watch anything other than what we expect from each other on TV as entertainment.
Islamically, it's all soul destroying really. But just because a husband expects his wife to cover up (which is her obligation to GOD, not him) doesn't mean that she should turn around and say - no more watching trashy American movies. In my experience, relationships based on tit-for-tat, with each spouse trying to give as good as s/he gets, just makes things childish and bitter.
Love the new page Jaz...
Sis-Ghostwriter---I totally understand and respect what you are saying, and to conclude, there is no right answer is there?
I'm not speaking just from my experience, I am sure many women can attest to the fact that men get away with much more than women. We are talking about double standards and hypocrisy.
I would bring this particular argument to the table because it is not an issue that I face, but, for most women it's the frustration of the double standards, not always the act itself (like watching t.v./videos).
In the end, modesty for men and women is an obligation. Who will not agree it's a man's world...anyone?
agree!
Yup, it is a man's world..and you're right in that modesty is an obligation for all.
Sigh.
Next question!! We need a new post to debate over!
I totally agree. As a man, I know that men are made in such a way that averting the gaze may be hard for them, but it is hypocritical for a man to indulge himself while forcing his wife to be modest.
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